The Amazing Race: Text Me So I Can Hear You

Last week’s episode of The Amazing Race was the most uncomfortable ever and strangely last night’s episode was the most comfortable ever.  Last week brother and sister couple, Justin and Jennifer, fought, shouted, yelled, screamed, bickered, and argued during the entire episode.  They even argued when they were simply waiting for a train and not in the throes of a challenge.  It got to the point that it was not only visibly disturbing for the other contestants to watch, but it was even disturbing for us as viewers to watch.  Last night’s episode was quite the opposite.  While mention was made that everyone hoped Justin and Jennifer wouldn’t be at each other’s throats, most of the episode was dedicated to cordiality between team mates and cooperation amongst teams.  All of this set in the rice fields of Indonesia and a 9th-century Buddhist temple at Borobudur.

The contrasting episodes of painful bickering and peaceful living made me wonder whether life would be better lived in a world without smartphones and the Internet – a techno-less society to slow us down and take away our need for instant gratification that usually leads to instant frustration.  Justin and Jennifer are prime examples of folks who have been pushed to extreme emotions without the comforts of what they are used to – looking up things on Google, having a GPS to take them to their next destination, and having the luxury of air conditioning wherever they are.

Is there any way all this fancy technology can help them get along or do they need to slow down and plant rice for awhile?

Every word Justin spoke, Jennifer responded to.  And, vice versa.  But if you actually listened, you would notice that they were both talking so loud they couldn’t hear each other.  They weren’t communicating at all.  They weren’t listening, responding, listening, reacting.  And here is where technology can save them.  If they could just send a text to each other, even while standing next to each other, they would be forced to process their thoughts, think of the right words to articulate them, breath while they typed them into a texting device, and wait for the reply.  This texting back and forth would allow them to actually have a conversation without speaking a word.  It is the conversation that human relationships are built upon.  A little technology can allow couples to communicate without having to live on a rice farm on the other side of the world.

So next time someone is talking so loud that you can’t hear them, send a text.

Summer’s Coming – Be More Than Just a Parent

Though the weather in certain parts of the country doesn’t indicate it, summer really is right around the corner. If you’re like most parents, you have already planned various activities and camps to keep your kids busy this summer. Many from tots to teens will be heading to camp, some will be joining sports leagues and others will be hanging around the house playing video games. Regardless of the summer activity, there will be more down time to consider, time that many kids will spend online, time that they don’t usually have during the normal school year.  Because of this increased free time, kids will be spending more time on their cell phones and other devices.

So, what do you need to do to protect your kids this summer?  The following suggestions are key to helping you to make this a fun and safe summer for your kids.

•    Screen new connections: As your kids meet new people at camp, they will be adding new friends to their networks– calling, texting, and social networking with new people. Talk to your kids about appropriate friend choices and appropriate conversation topics.

•    Set rules: It is a good idea to let your kids know what rules are going to be in place when summer starts. Consider printing out a set of rules that includes the amount of time they are allowed to spend on the Internet each day and a list of acceptable websites they can visit. This will allow you to monitor when your child is online and what websites they visit.

•    Discuss appropriate relationships: As kids head to camp, they’re going to be meeting new adults.  Counselors at camp and sports coaches can be a fun and meaningful part of a child’s experience, but boundaries should be set. After camp is over, kids probably should not communicate with their adult counselors online or via phone.  If a counselor has meaningful information to share with your child, make it clear that that information should go through you first.

•    Withhold necessary information: It is great fun for kids to share travel plans with their friends; however, too much information can be harmful to your child, and, potentially, your whole family.  Kids should not list specific vacation plans online as it signals to everyone in their network that your house will be empty.  And, as always, when children keep their location and plans private, it makes it more difficult for people with predatory motives to find them.  If you must know where your kid is, and are not sure he/she will check in often enough with you, there are software choices for monitoring your child’s smartphone.  Check out Mobile Watchdog for more information.

•    Befriend the Internet: Helping our kids achieve a healthy relationship with technology, namely, the Internet, can do a great deal of good.  Many of us have found that, regardless of the topic, scare tactics don’t work.  We never want our children to become afraid of the Internet.  It is a fabulous resource when used wisely. Showing our children that we trust them to make smart Internet choices helps them to make smart decisions.

•    Lead by example: Make responsible choices with your Internet and handheld devices. And, let your children see you take time away from your phone or tablet or computer to spend time with them. In short, be more than just a parent – be an engaged parent.  Your kids deserve it.

Check back next week for part 2 in my summer blog series. How should parents identify and respond when camp counselors and coaches use the power of social media and other devices to groom a child after camp is over. Stay tuned for next week…

The Bachelorette and the Power of Texting

Did you see The Bachelorette last night?  It was quite the emotional week for Ashley – one bachelor severely insulted her, a group of bachelors unsympathetically roasted her commenting on her looks and chest size, and yet another bachelor dumped her telling us viewers he was never interested in her in the first place.  And during all this turmoil, a new character found its own place in this story – the text.  Michelle, a previous bachelorette, outed Bentley, the dumping bachelor, by sending a single text to Ashley even before the show had started.  This single text of a few characters saying that Bentley was there for the wrong reasons has become a central ‘character’ in every episode, despite the fact that Ashley never picked up the phone to call Michelle to find out more.  Yet, questions abound – is Michelle telling the truth, will Ashley confront him, how will Bentley react, is the text for real?

So why are we talking about a single text as a central character on a show about dating?  In the past, we used to call or chat with a friend to relay our concerns over a new friend or potential date.  The conversation would explore the reasons for and against having concerns and the friend would then decide his/her next step.  If recorded and transcribed, an average ‘warning’ conversation might be at least 1000 words or about 5000 characters.  Today, a text like the one sent to Ashley might have less than 20 words or about 100 characters, even less characters than Twitter allows.  And yet, we might make major life decisions based on such a single line of text.  We will save it, re-read it, maybe even forward it.  If a friend who sent us such a text had actually called to say the same thing, we wouldn’t let her hang up unless she justified the comment, provided supporting facts, and responded to a barrage of follow-up questions.  Instead, we think quickly, move quickly, and sometimes walk into a hopeless situation.

Humans are a social creature.

Shall we talk?

Let’s see what lessons about the digital world next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings.

Until then, just remember – there’s no replacement for a good conversation.