Alert: Camp Counselor Enters Digital Age

Here's a hypothetical story. Johnny, a shy local boy of about 12, attended a sleep-away camp. His counselor helped Johnny make friends with the other kids, who seemed intimidating to Johnny. Johnny was proud to gain confidence, and his parents were grateful to the counselor for helping Johnny grow.

This would be a great story if it weren't for the fact that after Johnny got back from camp, he started to disengage from his family. He spoke less at the table and was constantly on his laptop or smartphone. After several weeks, the shy, sad kid returned, and no one could get through to him. He even ignored his favorite teachers and the baseball coach he used to admire.

Finally, his parents hacked into his laptop and smartphone and found months of illicit email and chat conversations between Johnny and the counselor. They also found inappropriate pictures and plans for a secret rendezvous. The parents were horrified and immediately got the police and a psychologist involved.

Actually, this is more than a hypothetical. This is based on something that happened to the child of a friend of mine. I helped my friend navigate the complicated aspects of dealing with the police and prosecutors, and the emotional strain on the entire family.

We are left to ask: How on earth could something like this happen? Unfortunately, the answer is simple: access. We adults may remember carefree summers spent at camp with gaggles of new friends and maybe a fun counselor or two. When we left camp, we left camp. Camp counselors had very limited access to campers after camp ended. If a counselor wanted to communicate with a camper, he would have to call his or her home phone or write a letter, both of which would have to go through a parent, reducing the chances of ill-intentioned activity.

But all that has changed in today's ever-connected device-dependent world with social media, IMs, texts, chat and cell and smartphones. (See “Summer's Coming – Be More Than Just a Parent.”)

A counselor can now connect to your child even when your child is in the safe haven of your house. The counselor might suggest they keep in touch so the camper can let him or her know about their school year or the rest of their summer. So, the camper accepts a friend request from the counselor on Facebook or a similar site. They begin to exchange messages, and the counselor starts “grooming” the camper. (See “Trust and the Despicable Art of Grooming.”)

Grooming is a seemingly innocuous process by which an online predator — in this case, the counselor — finds an “in” with the child, slowly coaxing her away from family and friends, claiming to be the only one who really understands her. The counselor might suggest that he has something important to tell the camper and needs to do it by phone or text. Not knowing the danger she is walking into, the camper agrees and gives out her cell. Now the counselor has anytime-anywhere access to the child. It's not a big step to a meeting in person, where irreparable harm can take place.

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Is there a way you could know if this was happening to your child? First, it is important to understand the method by which the counselor can get access to your child and how the grooming process begins. After camp, with your child having more private time and chances for private conversations, watch her actions carefully after camp. See if her behavior changes, especially if she reduces her time with friends and family. If you are concerned that something is happening, it might be time to use monitoring tools like Mobile Watchdog, a service that allows you to read someone's smartphone chat sessions.

To minimize the chance of getting into this position in the first place, before camp or any other away-from-home experience begins, talk to your children about making wise decisions with online and real-ife friends. If they are already in the habit of talking to you about everyone in their lives, extend that conversation into their online lives. Children don't always know they are being groomed, so we need to warn them.

We also need to discriminate when selecting camps. Many camps are now carefully vetting each counselor they hire, perhaps even running background checks against state sex offender registries. Be aware that these checks are limited to the state where the counselor lives, and would-be predators could have perfect records. Ask the camp about their process for selecting counselors. Finally, do your own research about the camp. Use Google and your own network of friends and family to find information. Check out what other parenting sites are saying about the camps you are considering.

Thousands of children have a great time at camp every summer. The keys to ensuring a carefree summer for both you and your child are communication, preparation and vigilance. With these keys in place, camp can be a great and safe experience.

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Summer’s Coming – Be More Than Just a Parent

Though the weather in certain parts of the country doesn’t indicate it, summer really is right around the corner. If you’re like most parents, you have already planned various activities and camps to keep your kids busy this summer. Many from tots to teens will be heading to camp, some will be joining sports leagues and others will be hanging around the house playing video games. Regardless of the summer activity, there will be more down time to consider, time that many kids will spend online, time that they don’t usually have during the normal school year.  Because of this increased free time, kids will be spending more time on their cell phones and other devices.

So, what do you need to do to protect your kids this summer?  The following suggestions are key to helping you to make this a fun and safe summer for your kids.

•    Screen new connections: As your kids meet new people at camp, they will be adding new friends to their networks– calling, texting, and social networking with new people. Talk to your kids about appropriate friend choices and appropriate conversation topics.

•    Set rules: It is a good idea to let your kids know what rules are going to be in place when summer starts. Consider printing out a set of rules that includes the amount of time they are allowed to spend on the Internet each day and a list of acceptable websites they can visit. This will allow you to monitor when your child is online and what websites they visit.

•    Discuss appropriate relationships: As kids head to camp, they’re going to be meeting new adults.  Counselors at camp and sports coaches can be a fun and meaningful part of a child’s experience, but boundaries should be set. After camp is over, kids probably should not communicate with their adult counselors online or via phone.  If a counselor has meaningful information to share with your child, make it clear that that information should go through you first.

•    Withhold necessary information: It is great fun for kids to share travel plans with their friends; however, too much information can be harmful to your child, and, potentially, your whole family.  Kids should not list specific vacation plans online as it signals to everyone in their network that your house will be empty.  And, as always, when children keep their location and plans private, it makes it more difficult for people with predatory motives to find them.  If you must know where your kid is, and are not sure he/she will check in often enough with you, there are software choices for monitoring your child’s smartphone.  Check out Mobile Watchdog for more information.

•    Befriend the Internet: Helping our kids achieve a healthy relationship with technology, namely, the Internet, can do a great deal of good.  Many of us have found that, regardless of the topic, scare tactics don’t work.  We never want our children to become afraid of the Internet.  It is a fabulous resource when used wisely. Showing our children that we trust them to make smart Internet choices helps them to make smart decisions.

•    Lead by example: Make responsible choices with your Internet and handheld devices. And, let your children see you take time away from your phone or tablet or computer to spend time with them. In short, be more than just a parent – be an engaged parent.  Your kids deserve it.

Check back next week for part 2 in my summer blog series. How should parents identify and respond when camp counselors and coaches use the power of social media and other devices to groom a child after camp is over. Stay tuned for next week…